5 Ways To Get Beyond Body Shame
Photo by Nick Holmes
You are in charge of your own body.
Some people love to tell you what to do with your body. From the Pro-Lifers to the “wellness industry” to the over-zealous gym rats. Don’t listen to them. Stick your fingers in your ears. Turn a blind eye. You are the captain of your own ship, meaning you have a choice whether to take in their comments, or whether to ignore them completely. The fact of the matter is you never need someone dictating to you how getting in shape is good for your health or that losing weight will make your life all bright and shiny like a pearl. If you find yourself thinking about your body negatively this time of year (or any time of year actually), remember to be kind to yourself. The new year brings out a lot of triggering conversations and messaging from friends and family. Maybe your cousin Clea can't stop talking about her New Year's cleanse she's got going on, and your Uncle Marty tells everyone and their mother that he has just joined the Peloton revolution. It doesn't matter. You can be happy for them AND happy for yourself that you just saved money on fancy juices and a hunk of metal. Who you are, and how you live your life is your decision and if you're happy, fuck 'em. Even if you're not happy ... you get to choose, in the privacy of your own mind, what will make you happy, and follow that feeling.
Mute the commercials
I don’t know about you, but it’s annoying enough to see Marie Osmond hawking NutriSystem year-round, but over New Year’s they double up and you can’t get away from her and the other “diet programs” schilling their wares on the TV … and now even Oprah is doing it (really, Oprah?) My suggestion is when watching live TV get in the habit of muting the commercials. This way you don’t have to hear the incessant chirping of reasons why your body needs to change from Marie, Oprah or even Dan Marino.
Pick up a supportive book
Besides my book, Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life, (shameless plug) there are myriad books out there that will support you in who you are, where you are and what you want to be. Jes Baker wrote the consummate book on being fat, Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls, and Rebecca Scritchfield, has Body Kindness, all about … well, being kind to yourself and your body, and another fave, Jen Sincero’s, You Are A Badass (self-explanatory) are all books that will lift your spirits and have you cheering for yourself. Pick up and read any one, or all three of these books over the new year, or pick from an extended list I have HERE and you'll have all the support you need and more to get you through just about anything.
Have sex (with someone else or yourself)
I know … you’re probably rolling your eyes right about now, but stop. Having sex is a great way to get really appreciative of your body and what it’s capable of … at any size. Regardless of whether you’re knocking boots with your partner or you’re going it alone, concentrating on the pleasure your body is doling out and is capable of giving you (and/or a partner) centers and grounds you. Realizing that you are so much more than a size, through the freeing and naturally sensual art of giving and receiving pleasure is the ultimate way to empower yourself through the new year and beyond.
Take the pressure off
The idea that we all have to set goals on the first of January every year is, as society’s version of beauty … a construct. Holidays like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and yes, New Year’s Eve were all manufactured by companies that make greeting cards, chocolate, and other wares, as a way to increase sales. So, though it might be tempting to go along with the festivities (and by all means do, if that’s what floats your boat) let yourself off the hook - no festivity should be a pressure cooker. Go to the ball drop, the dinner party even the 80’s themed costume extravaganza with a Ms. PacMan cheese platter … knock yourself out! But, if you’re not feeling like partying up a storm because you’re not feeling good in your body or any other reason, fuck it - just stay home. It's ok to order take-out, put on Netflix and pajamas, and relax - that’s just as valuable and fun as the party without the inebriation and the traffic. In fact, I do that every year and love it!
So, start the new year by respecting your feelings and desires. If you’re into resolutions, instead of focusing on what you think is wrong with you, endeavor to honor what you like about yourself and focus on your true wants and needs without judgment. However, if you’re not there yet and find it too much to reach for, it’s ok - take your time. Body acceptance/body neutrality is a life-long practice, there is no fixed result. Finding your own way to body acceptance or neutrality is exactly that - your OWN way, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Happy New Year!